Sorry for the lack of blogs

Open letter to the huge leagues of beloved 'Englishman turning American fans, (all two of you)

I apologise for not writing anything lately. What can I say, sometimes work gets in the way. I will try and mend the error of my ways! In small recompense, here is a funny story someone shared with me. All you guys out there probably never had this happen to you..... OK, well maybe not this week!

Story from a girl, on her night out...
The other night I was invited out for a night with "the girls." I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, "I promise!"

Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easy. Around 3 am., a bit loaded, I headed for home.

Just as I got in the door, the damn cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times .Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution (even when totally smashed) in order to escape a possible conflict with him.

The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, and I told him Midnight". He didn't seem pissed off at all. Whew! Got away with that one!

Then he said, "We need a new cuckoo clock." When I asked him why, he said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said, "Oh shit.", cuckooed 4 more times, cleared it's throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted."

Damn those cuckoo clocks!

The Office Wisdom

Did you miss me? Of course you did!

Well I have been hard at work in the office, my employers will be pleased to hear that I am sure. I have been in leadership training. Doesn't that sound grand? Well it is interesting thats for sure and I am learning some new stuff. Although the new stuff seems to contradict the advice of another truly great leader and mentor of managers, David Brent.

David Brent was characheterised in The Office. Britain is usually propagated with successful American shows and films, this is one example of a reversal of fortune. This guy is a true leader (of sorts) and his words of wisdom will ring true for most of you out there :-) Feel free to use in your next meeting or personal development chat with your manager, I am sure they will cause quite a stir!

* Eagles may soar high, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
* Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.
* There may be no 'I' in team, but there's a 'ME' if you look hard enough.
* Process and Procedure are the last hiding place of people without the wit and wisdom to do their job properly.
* Remember that age and treachery will always triumph over youth and ability.
* Never do today that which will become someone else’s responsibility tomorrow.
* Every time you open your mouth you have this wonderful ability to continually confirm what I think.
* Show me a good loser and I'll still show you a LOSER!
* Put the key of despair into the lock of apathy. Turn the knob of mediocrity slowly and open the gates of despondency - welcome to a day in the average office.
* If your boss is getting you down, look at him through the prongs of a fork and imagine him in jail.
* If you can keep your head when all around you have lost theirs, then you probably haven't understood the seriousness of the situation.
* If you treat the people around you with love and respect, they will never guess that you're trying to get them sacked.
* If at first you don't succeed, remove all evidence you ever tried.
* You have to be 100% behind someone, before you can stab them in the back.
* If work was so good, the rich would have kept more of it for themselves.
* Those of you who think you know everything are annoying to those of us who do.
* There's no 'I' in 'team'. But then there's no 'I' in 'useless smug colleague', either. And there's four in 'platitude-quoting idiot'. Go figure.
* Know your limitations and be content with them. Too much ambition results in promotion to a job you can't do.
* If you're gonna be late, then be late and not just 2 minutes - make it an hour and enjoy your breakfast.
* A problem shared is a problem halved, so is your problem really yours or just half of someone else’s?
* Is your work done? Are all pigs fed, watered and ready to fly?
* I thought I could see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it was just some b*stard with a torch, bringing me more work.

A Calendar is not just for Christmas!

As Christmas approaches, how many of you are expecting to receive a new calendar among your many gifts? Strange as it may seem, this simple and relatively inexpensive item is one of the most popular gifts in the world at Christmas. I am sure everyone has received at one point or another, a new calendar from a random Aunt or grandparent. These calendars range from spectacular pictures of famous landmarks, to close up pictures of pu... cats! (Filthy minded people!)

So if you are anticipating such a gift this year, then advise Aunt Fanny or Uncle Frank, that this year, to forgo the calendar they planned to buy you of 'Exciting Tea Pots of the World' and instead, get you this one: http://www.pirellical.com/thecal/calendar.html
Afterall, these choices are important, and remember a calendar is not just for Christmas, it keeps giving the whole year (Of course some give more than others ;-)