Farting
Now some of you who read this blog on a regular basis (all 3 of you!) are probably wondering..."How come this blog is written by a guy, and one from England, and he hasn't written about farting yet!" - Well, wonder no more!
True, farting is one of the largest hobbies in England, along with train spotting and bird watching. Infact you dont even have to fart for it to be funny. It is also one of the funniest topics of conversation you can have. Talking about farting always seems to raise a smile, people share their best fart stories, and everyone else just roles around at the general hilarity of the content.
Example.... last night I went out for dinner, and there was a very interesting moment where we thought someone was leaning over to break wind, only to be disappointed that they actually had a cramp in their leg. That obviously led to multiple fart stories and more fart noise impressions!
I also love old people who fart. Obviously not if I am in wafting distance, but I love the fact that they have no fear when letting when go, and no remorse when they have released it! They could be taking ballroom dancing lessons, they could be in church or just walking down the street and generally there is an 'eau de fart' whiff that follows them. I say thats a great thing, they have been around this world longer than I have, they have seen a lot of stuff and they deserve to do what they want! I say let them fart!
Whats also good about farting, is there are so many terms for it. A Fart is a fart.... but it is more than that. It can be a: Dutch oven; air biscuit; bottom burp; trump; shitwhiff; passing gas; crop dusting; flatulence; weapon of ass destruction; stinkin up the place; SBD (Silent But Deadly).... and all with the same effect!
Now that being said, what I dont like, is the phantom fart blower that seems to frequent the Horseshoe Tavern on Chestnut Street. The last few times I have been in there, some friend of society has dropped gas so bad, the crowd around the bar acted as if the cops had thrown tear gas in to break up a riot! People were crying, nasal passages were bleading, and my pint of Stella went flat!! These kind of actions should not be tolerated! Infact we may need to add this to the decor, and have some serious fines for those who break the rules!
True, farting is one of the largest hobbies in England, along with train spotting and bird watching. Infact you dont even have to fart for it to be funny. It is also one of the funniest topics of conversation you can have. Talking about farting always seems to raise a smile, people share their best fart stories, and everyone else just roles around at the general hilarity of the content.
Example.... last night I went out for dinner, and there was a very interesting moment where we thought someone was leaning over to break wind, only to be disappointed that they actually had a cramp in their leg. That obviously led to multiple fart stories and more fart noise impressions!
I also love old people who fart. Obviously not if I am in wafting distance, but I love the fact that they have no fear when letting when go, and no remorse when they have released it! They could be taking ballroom dancing lessons, they could be in church or just walking down the street and generally there is an 'eau de fart' whiff that follows them. I say thats a great thing, they have been around this world longer than I have, they have seen a lot of stuff and they deserve to do what they want! I say let them fart!
Whats also good about farting, is there are so many terms for it. A Fart is a fart.... but it is more than that. It can be a: Dutch oven; air biscuit; bottom burp; trump; shitwhiff; passing gas; crop dusting; flatulence; weapon of ass destruction; stinkin up the place; SBD (Silent But Deadly).... and all with the same effect!
Now that being said, what I dont like, is the phantom fart blower that seems to frequent the Horseshoe Tavern on Chestnut Street. The last few times I have been in there, some friend of society has dropped gas so bad, the crowd around the bar acted as if the cops had thrown tear gas in to break up a riot! People were crying, nasal passages were bleading, and my pint of Stella went flat!! These kind of actions should not be tolerated! Infact we may need to add this to the decor, and have some serious fines for those who break the rules!
Anyway, I hope this story has prompted you to remember with fondness, your best farting story. I know you have one :-)
In the meantime, here is something for all you couples out there, I hope this never happened to you
posted by MarinaDazza at 8:09 AM
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