Meeting Room Personalities

As part of my experience in cube land, we are forced to endure hours upon hours of endless meetings about...... carpet fitting. Actually thats not true. In fact the topics are usually something more connected to the business I am in, but it might as well be carpet fitting for all the attention I seem to pay to it. Although today was slightly different. Instead of listening to the fundamentals of why shag pile is more hard wearing than tweed (I think?), my mind wondered to something a little more important. Have you ever noticed the subtle personalities that seem to appear in meetings? One minute you are surrounded by your relatively normal colleagues, and the next, you are dealing with nuances of Meeting Room Personalities!

The Talker:
The person that likes to be the focus of attention, or always in the conversation. Do they really know that much about all those types of carpets, or are they full of carpet BS?

The Whisperer(s):
The most common meeting room trait. The person that spends most of the time drooling on the shirt collar of the person next to them, offering amusing anecdotes and innuendo on what the presenter is saying. Often seen moving around the room to continue the behaviour. Whisperers can usually be seen congregating together around the room.

The Confused:
There is usually one, and they are easy to spot, the only person in the room looking as bemused as a Polar Bear in a Penguins only dinner party.

The Nodder:
Incessant, constant, and uncontrollable NODDING! Whether it is about a major new development, the future strategy, or whether it is time to take a bio break and chow down on a cookie! This behaviour is usually a cover up of 'The Confused' (see above).

The Know it All:
Needs no introduction, but every meeting has one. Likes to rotate around the room, interrupt, and generally derail the meeting to ensure it runs over by at least 3 hours!

The Sleeper:
ZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Yup, you guessed it. May look awake, but really dreaming of a Caribbean island, Pamela Anderson and a ton of Jell-O!

The Faux Sleeper:
Always looks like they are asleep, or at least very disinterested in the whole carpet discussion. The Faux Sleeper is the arch enemy of the Know it All. As the Know it All observes a potential Sleeper in their midst, they move in for the kill with a question so cunning, it could have just been named Dean of Cunning at the Cunning University! However, the Sleeper turns into the Faux Sleeper in a flash, and answers the question comprehensively, concisely and leaves the Know it All grasping for their chair in retreat!

The Laptop Nazi:
God forbid anyone dare be using their laptop in the meeting when the goose stepping Nazi wonders around to your corner of the room. Their displeasure often manifests itself through shouting, swearing, laughing or even just closing the screen down on your fingers! Either way, "You Vill cloze ur labtopf, or u vill be shot!!!!"

The Tapper:
Whatever happens, this person just has to continue working through the entire meeting. Tap Tappety Tap! There may indeed be a real reason why they need to send that e-mail, but when everyone else is being patrolled by Herr Commandant Laptop Nazi, this person creates the most amount of 'angst' in the room than any other personality - "Well if he gets to e-mail, why can't I?"

The TT (Technical Tit):
If there is a technical problem, the TT will fix it! Well, maybe they will fix it, maybe they will make it worse, but whatever happens, when there is a technical issue, they will wade in with both hands ready to wipe your hard drive and destroy the inFocus machine in one foul swoop!

In summary, to all you people out there about to enter your next meeting... be afraid, be very afraid!! You never know when you might meet one of these characters. I would suggest having a plan in place on how to avoid these meetings! Because, lets face it, carpet fitting is not that interesting anyway!